I’m not much of a sex toy person. Probably finding dildos in my parents room as a child freaked me out so much that I was traumatized for life or something. Or, maybe my husband is so good in bed, that I just don’t need them. Who knows. Anyway, the one time I got the nerve to actually buy one, it ended up getting stolen. It was a blue, nubby, jelly dildo. It was rather small, but it did the job. Anyway, shortly after we got it, we bought our first house. We packed everything up and about ten different people helped us move. I realized when I unpacked my side table box, that someone had untaped the box and stolen my dildo. Who the hell would want a used dildo? Is one of my husband’s friends holed up somewhere smelling it? Or did my husband hide it out of jealousy? What if it was my mother-in-law, or my mother? Ewwww.Okay, I'll give you one more weird dildo story. My mom's step nephew was nosing around my parent's house in August and found my mom's stash of playthings. Let me tell you, that I KNOW what their stuff looks like b/c I have nosed around many times myself. They have HUGE rubber dongs with veins and everything. They are very explicit sex toys and I'm sure quite shocking for a seven year-old to find. My step nephew went and whispered something to my step grandma and her mouth hit the floor. She is very prim. We're not sure that she's ever seen a rubber phallus in person before. She told my grandpa. He started laughing. He's a perv from way back when, so nothing shocks him.
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